It was so exciting to have Women Who back in the Bettie Spaces Thursday night!
Women Who is a local organization that connects the West Michigan community through partnerships, education, fun, and networking opportunities. We love partnering for events with this organization that invites females, female-identifying, and non-binary persons to celebrate one another’s achievements. If you remember, our last pre-pandemic event, Women Who Love, then you know that Women Who focuses on uplifting each other, be it business-oriented or lifestyle-oriented events and discussions.
For this year’s joint event, Women Who Desire, I was invited to discuss the issues women have with feeling desirable, beautiful, confident, and worthy of pleasure.
Dove Global Beauty and Confidence Report and Real Truth About Beauty surveyed women and girls around the world and found that only 4% of women considered themselves truly beautiful. This number is up from 2% in 2004. 85% of women have opted out of important life events like family gatherings, going for promotions, events, and other activities because they didn’t feel good about their bodies.
The survey also found that 54% of women admitted that they were their own worst critics. So, we focus on the fact that 83% of women agree that every woman has something beautiful about them! We look at ourselves with the same eyes that we look at loved ones.
Statistics like these bring about important questions:
How do we feel desirable when only 4% of women worldwide have reported that they consider themselves truly beautiful?
What does it mean to be desirable?
And…
How can we prioritize and work on our own self-worth and self-actualized desirability?
Through discussion and the format of this collaborative, open-communication event, we discussed some ways to answer these questions and actively advocate for your desirability and confidence and put your worthiness and access to pleasure higher on the priority list.
Talk about it! Be clear with your partner(s) about what you want and need. And follow through. Let your partner(s) know that you need more than active listening and collaborative discussion, you need action. Be sure to also ask your partner(s) what they want and need.
Write it out/Journal. Think about it and write it down. Word vomit on the page all of your thoughts and feelings. Getting things out helps you process your emotions and you can also use your journal as a guide: Track your progress, re-read old entries and make notes, invite yourself to be introspective and ask “Why do I feel like this?” and “What makes me feel more confident that I could do on a daily basis?”
Date yourself, get comfortable being alone with yourself. When was the last time you took yourself out on a date? Go to a movie alone, go out to dinner alone? Treat yourself to something fun solo? Not just doing the basic things to keep yourself alive, but actually spoiling yourself. You’re a hot date! Act like it!
Acknowledge what you have to offer. When was the last time you took an inventory of all the things that make you awesome? Don't be modest, you’re amazing.
Stop offering yourself to people who don't want what you have to offer. Let me repeat that for the people in the back. STOP OFFERING YOURSELF TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER. They don’t deserve you and they’re draining your reservoir of personal self-worth.
Accept that you can not control how other people feel or act. Period. Take care of YOU.
BE YOU. There are people who are asexual and do not have sexual desire in the traditional definition. You are valid.
Remember: There is nothing wrong with you. It’s also normal for your desires or libido to change over your lifetime or even from day to day. It also needs to be said, there are some medical reasons that play into sexual desire. All of these reasons, whatever they may be, are valid. If you are in a season of life changes (Postpartum, menopause, on birth control, taking hormones) these can change your feelings of desire and self-confidence and if you are not happy with how you feel, I suggest consulting a trusted medical professional.
A special thank you to Maria Tornga of Mortgage Up for sponsoring last night’s event! Mortgage Up’s ultimate goal is to ensure that you make the right choice for you and your family, and they are committed to providing their customers with mortgage services that exceed their expectations!
Nicholette Driggs, CFLE, is a Certified Family Life Educator with a background in early childhood and family studies from West Michigan University, working on her Master's of Social Work at Grand Valley State University. She has worked in both public education and women's health. Nicholette is the store manager and buyer for Naughty Bettie and Community and Expirence Coordinator for Mod Bettie Portrait Boutique.
Nicholette also channels her talents into public speaking engagements and education, often speaking about women's empowerment, sex positivity, and body positivity. A blogger and writer, she has written about sexual health and body image. She also enjoys modeling and styling and has been published internationally. When not working, Nicholette is a loving fur mom to her menagerie of pets and loves to travel with her husband, Mr. Naughty Bettie!
